so i'm being flamed. i didn't really think it would be long. insanejournal sprung from the demise of greatestjournal in....when? 2007? and when gj was my website of choice, there was a person named ildy who was a popular user. for a while, ildy went by "jackson" and lived as a transguy. and boy, was she flamed in communities identical to the one i'm being picked on in now. they were merciless. and they refused to acknowledge her as male. she identifies as female now, but i remember being completely appalled by the blatant transphobia and cruelty displayed. when i started living out as trans, i figured it would only be a matter of time before i became the new jackson. now as then, i find myself wondering how much of it is plain old transphobia and how much is just a person with a strong distaste for me trying to be as hurtful as possible. and it's not working, i'm sort of numb to stupidity at this point. but the lack of understanding when it comes to transgender issues leaves me legitimately floored. it almost makes me nervous, realizing just how few people have any comprehension of what my daily life entails. what mostly gets me is the way people DO NOT GET how critical pronouns can be. every "she" and "her" sets off a chorus of no no no No No NO NO NO NO in my head that can't always be stopped with a "sorry, i meant he!" it doesn't work like that. these people have never had other people's perceptions work completely against them. it's like exercising hard for three weeks, losing 5 pounds and then having your boyfriend say "baby, you've put on a little weight..." and i envy the people lucky enough to have never experienced that. the way people genuinely do not comprehend gender is something i just can't wrap my head around. i can't believe people don't get it. i don't understand how i never got it before. it needs to be a necessary study.

i'll have been transitioning for a year on may 5th. it feels like so much less. i feel like i haven't accomplished very much.